----------------

NOT A JOKE: Scientists Discover What's Destroying Fragile Coral Eeefs: Tourists' Sunscreen

A new study has identified an elusive culprit behind the lethal bleaching of coral reefs worldwide. The popular sunscreens
that tourists slather on before a dip in the ocean contains chemicals that quickly kill off fragile reefs.

Specifically, what researchers found was that four commonly found sunscreen ingredients have the ability to awaken dormant
viruses in the symbiotic algae called zooxanthellae that live inside reef-building coral species. The chemicals then cause
the viruses to replicate until their algae hosts explode, spilling viruses into the surrounding seawater, where they can
spread out to infect neighboring coral communities.

These symbiotic algaes, called Zooxanthellae, are what provide coral with food energy through photosynthesis and contribute
to the organisms' beautiful colors. When then die off, the coral "bleaches” white and dies.

"The algae that live in the coral tissue and feed these animals explode or are just released by the tissue, thus leaving
naked the skeleton of the coral," said study leader Roberto Danovaro of the Polytechnic University of Marche in Italy.

How could sunscreen make any difference in such a vast ocean? The amount of sunscreen involved is probably larger than most
of us would guess. An estimated 4,000 to 6,000 metric tons of sunscreen wash off swimmers bodies annually in oceans around
the world. While sunscreen isn’t the only factor behind declining reefs, it has a big impact. It is also estimated that up
to 10 percent of coral reefs are directly threatened by sunscreen-induced bleaching.

Danovaro and his team studied the effects of sunscreen exposure on coral from reefs in the Pacific, Atlantic, and Indian
Oceans. They found that even low levels of sunscreen, at or below the typical amount used by swimmers, could activate the
algae viruses and completely bleach coral in just four days.

According to study author Danovaro, the effect is not dose dependent—so coral's exposure to a very small dose of sunscreen
is just as dangerous as a high exposure.

"It is more like on-off," he said. "Once the viral epidemic is started, it is not a problem of toxicity."

They found that seawater surrounding coral exposed to sunscreen contained up to 15 times as many viruses as unexposed
samples. Several brands of popular sunscreens were tested. All of them were found to have four ingredients in common:
paraben, cinnamate, benzophenone, and a camphor derivative.

Fortunately there are ways around the problem. Danovaro says banning sunscreen from beaches altogether isn’t necessary. He
says swimmers can reduce their impact on coral by using sunscreens with physical filters, which reflect instead of absorb
ultraviolet radiation, or they can choose sunscreens that use eco-friendly chemical sunscreens. Australian researchers are
also currently working to develop eco-friendly sunscreens based on a natural ultraviolet-blocking compound already found in
coral naturally.

Posted by Rebecca Sato

* This study appeared online in the journal Environmental Health Perspectives:
http://www.ehponline.org/members/2008/10966/10966.pdf

----------------

Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least-evolved among us.

And the glorious Winner for 2007 is:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.

This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.

The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. A Texas teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.

The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15.

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.

The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.'

9. The Ann Arbor Michigan News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 a.m. , flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.

The man, frustrated, walked away.

******THE 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER** ***

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.

A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.

The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in a very long time.

--------------------

Hell is a place where:
The lovers are Swiss
The cooks are English
The mechanics are French
The police are German and
The government is run by the Italians

-----------------

A couple was making their first doctors visit prior to the birth of their first child.

After the exam, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink.

The man and his wife were curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the man took out his magnifying glass to try to see what is was.

In very small letters, the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me.”

-----------------

Steven Wright One Liners

Part One:
Wright Knowledge

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

I didn't know it then, but looking back, in hindsight, I realize that when I was younger I could see into the future. Now I'm getting all my premonitions as flashbacks!

He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."

Four years ago... No, it was yesterday.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

My girlfriend's so intense... She woke me up the other night and asked, "If you could tell exactly when and how you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "Heck no, why?" "Doesn't matter, just go back back to sleep..."

When I was eight, I played Little League. I was on first; I stole third; I went straight across. Earlier that week, I learned that the shortest distance between two points was a direct line. I took advantage of that knowledge.

I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!

I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. Suppose you are in a space bus traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights--what happens?" He said, "How should I know?!" I said, "Forget it, I don't want to work for you."

I've never seen electricity, so I don't pay for it. I write right on the bill, "I'm sorry, I haven't seen it all month."

I have a decaffeinated coffee table. You'd never know it to look at it.

A while ago, I went skiing in England. It was a rare package: two weeks in England, one night in Connecticut, two weeks in England. I said, "Yes, I'll take it." I got on this chairlift with this guy I didn't know. We went halfway up the mountain without saying a word. Then he turned to me and said, "You know, this is the first time I've gone skiing in ten years." I said, "Why did you take such a long time off?" He said, "I was in prison. Want to know why?" I said, "Not really...Well, okay, you better tell me why." He said, "I pushed a total stranger off a Ferris wheel." I said, "I remember you."

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."

A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?" I said, "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it."

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

We were in Salino, Utah when we were arrested for not going through a green light. We pleaded "maybe". I asked the judge if he knew what time it is, he did, and I said, "No further questions."

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

"Hermits have no peer pressure."

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.

On the other hand... You have different fingers.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

What do batteries run on?

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said, "the whole time."

The other day somebody stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica... When my roommate came home I said, "Roommate, someone stole everything in our apartment and replaced it with an exact replica." He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?"

My grandfather invented Cliff's Notes. It all started back in 1912... Well, to make a long story short ...

I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building--on the ledge....Some people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for PERMANENT press? I don't get it...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.

-------------

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12 . "God, now I know why I am not gay."

And the best one of all..

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

-------------

Q. Why did the pig cross the road

A. To prove that he wasn't a chicken

-------------

Some "dirtbag" in Polk County Florida who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop ended up "executing" the deputy who stopped him.

The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range . Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed.

A statewide manhunt ensued. The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers fired and hit the guy 68 times.

Now here's the kicker: Naturally, the media asked why they shot him 68 times.

Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd, told the Orlando Sentinel:

"That's all the bullets we had!"
(Talk about an all time classic answer!!!)

-----------------

Johnny's mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their three kittens. He had the kittens sitting in a row, and he was preaching to them.

She smiled and went about her work.

A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open the window to see Johnny baptizing the kittens in a tub of water.

She called out, "Johnny, stop that! Those kittens are afraid of water!"

Johnny looked up at her and said,"They should have thought about that before they joined my church."

-----------------

Born N' Bred in Louisiana - Mah, dat's for shure, mann!!!

*You know you were Born N' Bred in Louisiana**

when : ...........

**Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside.***
**You reinforce your attic to store Mardi Gras Beads***
**You don't look twice when you see pink flamingos in yards of nice subdivisions during Mardi Gras.***
**You save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfish boils.**
**Your ancestors are buried above the ground.**
**You drink Community, have tried Starbucks, but don't see what all the fuss is about.**
**You take a bite of five-alarm chili and reach for the Tabasco **
**Every once in a while, you have waterfront property.**
**You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, "Don't eat the dead ones," and you know what he means.**
**You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.**
**You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads***
**You believe that purple, green, and gold look good together.**
**Your last name isn't pronounced the way it is spelled.**
**You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.**
**No matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food.**
**Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don't care because you're No. 1 on the party chart.**
**Your house payment is less than your utility bill.**
**You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.**
**Your grandparents are called "Maw-Maw" and "Paw-Paw."**
**Your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite Saint is a football player.**
**You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show.**
**You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm.**
**You're walking down the street in the French Quarter with a beer in your hand. When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head.***
**You've eaten at one or more of these restaurants, AND know how to pronounce them: Tu Jac's, Gallatoire's, Ralph & Kacoo's, Brunet's, or Mulatte's.**
**You eat dinner out and spend the entire meal talking about all the other good places you've eaten.**
**You call home just to find out what your momma is having for supper tonight.**
**You get these jokes and actually pass them on to other friends from Louisiana .***

------------------

A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales so he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up.

Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close again, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex"

Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."

---------------

I was in southern Texas;

I saw a billboard that said:

"Need help? Call Jesus: 1-800-005-3787"

Out of curiosity I did.

A Mexican showed up with a tow truck.

------------------

Let's see if I understand how the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to understand the world anymore.

So, if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer, I want all of you to blame Bill Gates...okay?

-----------------

THINGS YOU DON'T HEAR ANYMORE........

Be sure to refill the ice trays, we're going to have company after while.

Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Aunt Mary in the mail today.

Quit slamming the screen door when you are on your way out!

Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower is coming up.

Don't forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.

Wash your feet before you go to bed, they are nasty from playing outside all day barefooted.

Why can't you remember to roll up your pant legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.

You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.

Don't you go outside with your good school clothes on!

Go comb your hair; it looks like the rats have nested in it all night.

Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle.

Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one.

Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies won't get on it.

Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you don't quit!

Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him.

You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.

There's a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town.

Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here, it is getting hot.

You can walk to the store; it won't hurt you to get some exercise.

Don't sit too close to the TV. It is hard on your eyes.

If you pull that stunt again, I am going to wear you out!

Don't lose that button; I'll sew it back on after awhile.

Wash under your neck before you come to the table, you have beads of dirt and sweat all under there.

Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!

Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don't have to do that tonight in the dark.

Here, take this old magazine to the toilet with you when you go, we are almost out of paper out there.

Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes.

Don't turn the radio on now, I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.

No! I don't have nine cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?

Eat those vegetables, they'll make you big and strong like your daddy.

That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don't care how cold it is out there, dogs just don't come in the house.

Sit still! I'm trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all botched up.

Hush your mouth! I don't want to hear words like that! I'll wash your mouth out with soap!

It is time for your system to be cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight.

If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you'll get another one when you get home.

Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way!

Soak your foot in this pan of coal oil so that bad cut won't get infected.

When you take your driving test, don't forget to signal each turn. Left arm straight out the window for a left turn; left arm bent up at the elbow for a right turn; and straight down to the side of the door when you are going to stop.

It is: "Yes Ma'am!" and "No Ma'am!" to me, young man, and don't you forget it!

Y'all come back now, ya hear!

---------------

Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when they read this.

Those who didn't will be in disbelief and won't understand how true it is.

1) You can name everyone you graduated with.

2) You know what 4-H means.

3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted. (See #6.)

4) You used to 'drag' Main

5) Most people went by a nickname.

6) You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers, because you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't.

7) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents anyhow.) Besides, where would you get the money?

8) When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.

9) You knew which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off.

10) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.

11) The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

12) You didn't give directions by street names but rather by references. Turn by Nelson's house, go 2 blocks to Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field.

13) The golf course had only 9 holes.

14) You couldn't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

15) Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.

16) The town next to you was considered 'trashy' or 'snooty,' but was actually just like your town.

17) You referred to anyone with a house newer then 1950 as the 'rich' people.

18) The people in the 'big city' dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later.

19) Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station or the dairybar.

20) You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally.

21) The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.

22) Directions were given using THE stop light as a reference.

23) When you decided to walk somewhere for exercise, 5 people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride.

24) Your teachers called you by your older siblings' names.

25) Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.

26) You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID.

27) There was no McDonalds.

28) The closest mall was over an hour away.

29) It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.

30) You've pee'd in a cornfield.

31) You laughed your butt off reading this because you know it is true, and you forward it to everyone who may have lived in a small town.

--------------------

Chelsea Clinton recently discussed current events with a U.S. soldier.

She asked if, as an American fighting man, anything scared him.

He told her there were only three things he feared:

1) Osama

2) Obama

AND

3) Yo Mama!

-------------------

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline for advice.

The Psychic tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."

-----------------

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac
are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it." says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it!" shouted the
murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it
again." said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again
and then burn it!" said the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist said...
..."Meow."

-----------------

Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.

------------------

Boaby & Davy (conjoined twins) go to France

An on duty Gendarme spots a hire car approaching the Champs Elysees with a rear light out. He beckons the driver to pull over, which he does and winds his window down. The Officer has a good look inside the car and notices that the driver and passenger are conjoined twins, Boaby & Davy.

Instead of making an issue over the light out situation he begins to engage in some friendly chat.

Gendarme: Ah, you are on holiday my friends?

Davy: Aye, that's right big yin. We've been coming every September weekend for the last 9 years.

Gendarme: So I guess you come to France to get away from ze rainy weather you have in Ecosse?

Davy: Naw, it nearly always p*shes doon when we come here. Your weather's nae better than oors, in't that right Boaby?

Boaby: Aye.

Gendarme: Zen I take it you are here to enjoy our delicious French food, very healthy.

Davy: Naw, yer food's mingin big man, everything reeks of garlic. We've brought a box full of pieces to avoid eating your crap.

Gendarme: Zen you must be here to drink our famous wines and cognac, surely.

Davy: Yer swally's boggin, we've hid tae bring a kerry oot. In't that right Boaby?

Boaby: Aye.

Gendarme (by now ever so slightly bemused): Well in that case you must be here to see the Parisienne madamoiselles, ze most beautiful women in Europe.

Davy: Yer kiddin in't ye! The burds here are dugs, ah widnae touch them wae yours big yin.

Gendarme (by now rather irate): Zen why do you people come to our country if everysing ees so bad?

Boaby: It's the only chance oor Davy gets tae drive!

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