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Your Weekly Joke Collection for the 29th of
September, 2006
Still no Tropical Storms or Hurricanes, but the occasional Tropical
Wave can bring spectacular lightning.
The Leverick Bay Marina Dock is being dismantled,
rebuilt and extended 70 feet. Watch it happen day by day over this month at
http://szillat.org/dock
Saturday night September 30 when the Jumbies Bar at
Leverick Bay closes is your last chance to get into the Pool for
when the dock will be complete -- stop by and see the bartender for
details!
Fun Links:
When the Harvest Moon rises on Oct. 6th, go outside. You may
notice a few puzzling things.
http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2006/28sep_strangemoonlight.htm?list196147
Numerous photographs and videos circulate on the
Internet. Some are real. Some are fake. Some are real, but have been
given false backstories:
http://www.snopes.com/photos/
National Geographic Photos 2006:
http://szillat.org/downloads/ngphotos2006.pps
You May Need This Someday...
Place the contents of your wallet and passport on a scanner.
Scan the passport photo page and both sides of each license, credit
card, etc, and save as an image file.
E-mail the scanned image(s) to your Hotmail, Yahoo, G-mail or other
on-line e-mail account and move the image to a Saved on-line folder.
If anything is lost, even when you are away from home on business or
vacation, you can access the image copy of all your information from
any computer in the world!
Enjoy the Jokes!
Ed
---------------------
Quotes - Courtesy of Time Magazine
"The President of Iran refused to attend a U.N. banquet because wine
was being served. The Iranian President said he was afraid he'd get
really drunk and say something pro-Semitic." CONAN O'BRIEN
"This is crazy. Police found a pound and a half of marijuana and
psychedelic mushrooms in Willie Nelson's tour bus. Willie is nervous
about this. He's afraid he may have to spend the rest of 1969 in
jail." DAVID LETTERMAN
"The leader of Hizballah says he's throwing a victory party in honor
of their 'victory' over Israel. Well, that should be fun--a party
thrown by Muslim extremists. 'Turn off the music! And no girls!'"
JAY LENO
"Tears don't protect anyone." SHEIK HASSAN NASRALLAH, Hizballah
leader, mocking Lebanese Prime Minister Fouad Siniora, who wept
publicly during the recent conflict with Israel. Nasrallah said that
his militant group would not disarm and that it had actually
increased its arsenal since July
"We've made no judgment of any kind at this point about any aspect
of policy with regard to Iraq." LEE HAMILTON, co-chairman of the
congressionally commissioned Iraq Study Group, at a press conference
called by the panel to provide a progress report on its work
"Be prepared to be bombed. Be prepared to go back to the Stone Age."
PERVEZ MUSHARRAF, President of Pakistan, recounting the post-9/11
threat to his intelligence director by Richard Armitage, then U.S.
Deputy Secretary of State, of consequences if Pakistan did not
cooperate in the war on terrorism. Armitage disputed the language
and said, "There was no military threat"
"We apologize for the inconvenience." THAI ARMY OFFICIAL, reading a
message on Thai television to request the people's "cooperation"
after the military ousted Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra in a
bloodless coup
"For the record, I love puppies." MICHAEL STEELE, Lieutenant
Governor of Maryland and G.O.P. candidate for the U.S. Senate, in a
campaign ad in which he predicts he will be accused of all kinds of
things, including disliking puppies
"Its fur was too thick." ZHANG XINYAN, Chinese construction worker
who drunkenly climbed into a panda's enclosure at the Beijing Zoo,
tried to hug the creature, was bitten and then tried to bite the
panda back
------------------------
Numbers - Courtesy of Time Magazine
$4.6 billion Amount hedge-fund firm Amaranth Advisors lost this
month betting on rising natural-gas prices--which fell 12%
$1.4 billion Amount Amaranth lost when it liquidated assets at a
discount to avoid a possible shutdown
2 million Number of tires Florida officials dumped into the Atlantic
in 1972 to seed an artificial reef, which never formed. The loose
tires are now damaging real coral reefs
$5 million Estimated cost of removing the tires, which is expected
to begin in 2008
1 Number of years it took David Banh, 18, to earn enough credits to
graduate--with a double major in physics and math--from the
University of Virginia
1/3 Proportion of students at four-year colleges in Virginia who
fail to graduate within six years
3.3 million Age, in years, of a skeleton of a 3-year-old girl
recently unearthed in Ethiopia. The remains are thought to be the
oldest ever found of a child
150,000 Estimated number of years after the death of the child,
nicknamed Lucy's Baby, that Lucy, the most famous primitive human
specimen, walked the earth
----------------------
How to speak Island Lingo:
Your bags are packed, you've confirmed your ticket and now you just
wait until the day arrives when you finally come to the BVI. What
next? Practice the local lingo, mon!
When immigration asks "purpose of visit?" say "We be limin' mon!"
(=here to relax and party)
When someone inquires as to how you are doing, say "We be jammin'
mon" (=relaxin & partyin)
If you must excuse yourself to go somewhere, say, "I go to come
back" (this means you will return in 10 minutes or several hours or
a few days or several months, so it is good for any time frame).
Never pronounce the "H" in words after “T”. So if you need 3 beers,
you say "Good morning, tree beers please".
If you skin your knee on a rock, remember that anything between your
toe and hip is referred to as "da foot" and rocks are always
rockstone and anything that hurts or is broken is mash or mash-up.
So you "mash da foot on da rockstone".
If you order orange juice, be sure to pronounce "or-range" with two
syllables. If you want the fresh veggies instead of the rice with
your meal, be sure that you pronounce two G's and two T's, but the
“V” as a “W” in “weg-get-ta-bles".
If you are shopping for flip-flops, ask for slippers.
If you are shopping for loafers, ask for slippers.
If you are shopping for sandals, ask for slippers.
If you are shopping and don't want the clerk to bother, you say "I
gittin t'rough" (pronounced “true”) which means you are "getting
through", as in you see what you want.
If your thong breaks and is no longer covering your thing, then you
say, "My t'ong mashup and show my t'ing, I t'ink I need a new t'ong,
let me see if I can get t'rough".
If you are suffering from a powerful hangover, say "My head ain't
good"
If you want an automatic in your rental car, ask for a "mash'n'go".
If you crash your rental car, call them up and confess you "mash da
car".
If you crash your bareboat on a reef, call and confess "I mashup da
boat".
When the bareboat company asks you to pay for the damages, say, "I
go to come back" (and leave island).
If you go south, you "go down island". If you go north, you "go off
island". If no one knows where you go, then you "go to come back".
If someone upsets you and you want them to know that, although you
may have been born at night, it was not LAST night, then you suck in
your teeth loudly. This is used only in extreme cases and is treated
as similar to muttering obscenities under your breath.
A polite way to let someone know they have upset you is to exclaim
loudly "cheese & bread!"
If the power goes off (and it does) you may inquire "When da current
coming back?" Be sure to "plug out" anything you want to protect
from surges.
For superb service, greet locals with a cheery "Good Morning” or
“Good Afternoon” or “Good Night!" “Good Night” means hello, not
good-bye.
We never say good-bye because we “go to come back”.
----------------------
A Bears fan and a Packers fan are driving in a car when one of them
noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.
They stopped and discovered a nude female passed out drunk. Out of
respect and propriety, the Bears fan took off his cap and placed it
under her head and put his Bears jacket on her covering her breasts
and upper body.
Following the lead, the Packers fan took off his cap and placed it
over her crotch. The Police were called and when the officer arrived
at the scene he conducted his investigation. First he lifted up the
Bears cap, replaced it and wrote down some notes. Then he lifted up
the Bears jacket, replaced it and wrote down some more notes.
The officer then lifted up the packers cap, replaced it, then lifted
it up again, replaced it, then lifted it up third time and replaced
it one last time.
The Packer fan was getting upset and asked, "What are you, a pervert
or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and
looking and lifting and looking? What's up with that?"
"Well," said the officer, "I am surprised. Normally when I look
under a Packers cap, I find an asshole."
---------------------
FALL & FOOTBALL
Arizona Cardinals—The Cardinals are the NFL's oldest franchise and
both team and nickname date back to Chicago 1901. Owner/manager
Chris O'Brien deemed the used, faded maroon jerseys he acquired from
the University of Chicago "cardinal red." When the American
Professional Football Association began in 1920—out of which the NFL
grew—the team from Chicago was known as the Cardinals.
Baltimore Ravens—The clear winner of a Baltimore Sun telephone poll
in 1996, the name is borrowed from a well-known poem by Baltimore
native Edgar Allan Poe.
Chicago Bears—Coach George Halas inherited co-ownership of the
Decatur (Ill.) Staleys from factory owner A. E. Staley in 1921 and
promptly moved them north to Chicago's Wrigley Field (then Cubs
Park). In keeping with the park's summer tenants—Major League
Baseball's Cubs—Halas renamed the team the Bears.
Green Bay Packers—America's first pro football dynasty was also the
first franchise to utilize corporate sponsorship. In 1919, the
Indian Packing Company gave the team $500 for uniforms and
equipment. From then on they were called the Packers.
Kansas City Chiefs—Lured from Dallas by Kansas City mayor H. Roe
"Chief" Bartle in 1963, owner Lamar Hunt changed the team's name
from Texans to Chiefs in his honor.
-----------------
Here's a story from someone who witnessed a recent interaction
between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station
in Washington DC:
There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on
the evils of America. An elderly woman was behind me getting off the
escalator and a young female protester offered her a pamphlet, which
she politely declined.
The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a
gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, "Ma'am, don't
you care about the children of Iraq?"
The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my first husband
died in France during World War II, my second husband died in Korea,
one of my sons died in Vietnam, a Grandson died in Desert Storm, all
so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country.
If you touch me again. I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open
it."
----------------
The Story of Beer in the Land of the Free
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to
the coast & live on fish & lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization &
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2
distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
today is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's & doing
the sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women and became known henceforth as 'girleymen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats, the invention of group therapy & group hugs & the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard
liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women
have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood &
group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated
hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat & still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes, engineers &
generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own
companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of
the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to
America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created the
business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
Liberal will have an uncontrollable urge to respond to the above
instead of simply laughing, deleting or forwarding it.
--------------
Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an
important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you
find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest
of my life and give up tequila."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."
-----------------
Best Out of Office e-mail auto replies...
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I
fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of
the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received
anything at all.
3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless e-mails you
send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient
and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99
for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your
message.
5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and
is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and
try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you
can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing
system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive
a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
7. I've run away to join a different circus.
8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of
'Steve'.
-------------------
Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary - a reminder:
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps
all over everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success
and advancement by kissing the boss' butt rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a
cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's
going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch
potato.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What
yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops
working to stay home with the kids.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying
but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The Anna Nichol
show or the Bachelor is a prime example.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just
above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere
are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems
they were designed to solve.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message
"404 Not Found" (meaning that the requested document, like the
person's brain, could not be located).
GENERICA: Features of the North American landscape that is exactly
the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip
malls, subdivisions.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize
that you've just made a BIG mistake.
WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.
CROP DUSTING: Surreptitious flatulence while passing thru a cube
farm, or any other public place, then enjoying the sounds of dismay
and disgust (this often leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING).
And lest we forget: ANAL GLAUCOMA: Used as an excuse for not showing
up for work. Translation "I just couldn't see my a** coming in to
work today."
-------------------
Little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday
afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl
coming from the other direction.
"Hello," said the little boy.
"Hi," replied the little girl.
"Where are you going?" asked the little boy.
"I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home," answered
the little girl.
"Me too," replied the little boy. "I'm also on my way home from
church."
"Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy.
"I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the little
girl. "What about you?"
"I go to the Catholic church back at the top of the hill," replied
the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided
that they'd walk together. They came to a low spot in the road where
spring rains had partially flooded the road so there was no way that
they could get across to the other side without getting wet.
"If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mom's going to skin me alive,"
said the little girl.
"My Mom will tan my hide too if I get my new Sunday suit wet,"
replied the little boy.
"I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl. "I'm gonna
pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across."
"That's a good idea," replied the little boy. "I'm going to do the
same thing with my suit."
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without
getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun
waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on when the
little boy finally remarked, "You know, I never did realize before
just how much difference there really is between a Baptist and a
Catholic."
-----------------
The Confession
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his
priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but
then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again.
For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.
"The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then
walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started
to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw
that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
according to you, that's the same as putting it in."
----------------
Question for the men!!!! What would you do???? ;)
A man, returning home a day early from a business trip,got into a
taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While enroute to his
home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected
his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the
act. For $100, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into
the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket
back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put
a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouted, "Don'tdo it! This man has been very generous! I
lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I
bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your
season Green Bay Packer Tickets. He paid for our house at the lake.
He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the
monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the
gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?"
The cabby said, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he
catches a cold."
---------------------
Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for
good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your
boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was
the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I
had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and
even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two
minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You
don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or any thing.
Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the
case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I running
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! Your Ex-wife
Dear Ex-wife:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to
try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I
did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first
thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother
raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When
you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to
sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag
was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother
had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt
that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the
lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two
tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was
born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
-----------------
An older man wearing a stove pipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard
sat down at a bar and ordered a drink.
As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?"
"Yeah," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love
life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln." protested the barkeep.
"That's right. ... My last four scores were seven years ago."
--------------------
Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
A: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, and an unknown number of
hares.
(1) What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
.........Drool.
(2) What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one
room? .........A full set of teeth.
(3) How do you get a South Carolina cheerleader into your dorm room?
.........Grease her hips and push.
(4) How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch? .........Pay
him for the pizza.
(5) How do you know if a Mississippi State football player has a
girl-friend? .........There is tobacco spit on both sides of his
pickup
(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?
.........Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
(7) What are the longest three years of an Auburn football player's
life? .........His freshman year.
(8) How many Florida freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
.........None. That's a sophomore course.
(9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco? .........Baton
Rouge, Louisiana. He knew that the police would never look at LSU
for a Heisman Trophy winner.
AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)
(10) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
.........You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday,
and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.
-------------------
All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family
tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great- grandfather had all
been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day,
they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal
drink.
So when Ole's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Sven took a
boat out to the middle of the lake. Ole stepped out of the boat and
nearly drowned! Sven just managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Ole went to see his grandmother. "Grandma,
it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my
father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked into Ole's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb shit,
your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January,
you were born in July
---------------------
The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time.
The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The
doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.
The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up on the
examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger
under his left testicle and told the Midget to turn his head and
cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.
"Aha!" mumbled the doc, and as he put his finger under the right
testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor
once more, and reached for his surgical scissors.
Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip- snip-snip on
the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with
amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
The doctor then told the midget to walkaround the examining room to
see if his testicles still hurt.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and
discovered his boys were no longer aching.
The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied,
"Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"
The doctor replied..........."I cut two inches off the top of your
cowboy boots."
------------------
The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'
So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy,''Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me!
-------------------
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern
Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of
the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked
the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small
talk with the Navajo woman. The old Indian woman just sat silently,
looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little
detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What in bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine.
I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
"Good trade....."
-----------------------
Somebody is going to need help
A six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie's
house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in
their living room. "But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have
to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was
irreplaceable."
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A man was driving his car when one whole wheel came off, tire, rim
and all. He managed to stop his car and pull off to the side of the
road.
The man then retrieved the wheel from down in a ditch and got it
back to his car. Without the missing lug nuts, however, he was
unable to remount the wheel to his car and so started to walk to the
nearest town for help.
Along the way to town the man passed a sanitarium - what we used to
call insane asylums - where an inmate standing at the front gate
called out to him, "Hay mister where you going".
The man answered by describing the lost wheel, his car by the side
of the road, the wheel retrieved from a ditch and his walk into town
for help.
The asylum inmate them said, "Mister, you don't need to walk to
town. Go back to your car and use one lug nut off of each of the
remaining three wheels to hold on the detached wheel. That will hold
the fourth wheel on your car while you drive slowly to town for more
lug nuts."
To this the man replied, "That's a great idea. What's a smart man
like you doing in a place like this?"
The asylum inmate answered, "They put me in here because I'm crazy,
not stupid."
-----------------
Edge Designs is an all-women run company that designs interior
office pace.
They had a recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC.
The client allowed the women of this company a free hand in all
design aspects. The client was a company that was also run by all
women execs...
...The result?
Well, We all know that men never talk, never look at each other, and
never laugh much in the restroom.
The men's room is a serious and quiet place.
But now, with the addition of one mural on the wall -- lets just say
the men's restroom is a place of laughter and smiles...
Really Great Advertising
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That's All Folks!!!
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